Tinkerbell

Tinkerbell Toy from Lebonheur December 2011

Toys, stickers, purses, princess shoes and such are scattered about your playroom floor tonight as I sit here in the corner at my desk thinking about you tucked in bed asleep on top of your St. Jude teddy bear we bought two weeks ago in Memphis at Jared's. We had stopped in to have Mommy's tennis bracelet inspected and cleaned after your appointment with Dr. Thompson. It might have been our fifth appointment with Dr. Thompson in Memphis since 2011. We initially met him as your specialist---an ENT that determined that you indeed needed ear tubes in both ears in the fall of 2011. The surgery for tubes was scheduled on December 15th, 2011. Before going in to have your ear tubes put in, you went through a toy tunnel at Lebonheur where you selected a miniature Tinkerbell. She stayed with your through surgery, recovery, and made it all the way home with us. She's enjoyed flying from room to room at our home--------and just recently has landed a special spot on the kitchen windowsill. She's stood tall and confident among our fall decor on the windowsill. Her presence reminding me of you constantly as I stood there prepping dinner, washing dishes, making coffee, & more. Tinkerbell reminded me of you as she stood close to my treasures from you---artwork, glass, dried flowers, hickory nuts, rocks and more that adorns the windowsill too. Your gifts to me are endless, Sophia. Each one touches my heart in ways that I don't even understand. I'm learning not to question but be still-----in awe of childhood wonders. You enjoyed watching Tinkerbell with Daddy in the past and calling yourselves "tinkers" since you both love to tinker with things! You've played dress up and enjoyed flying about the house as Tinkerbell. Last night,you also enjoyed being the "fastest fairy ever" as you flew through the house with Daddy practicing your flying skills. I live for these moments with you------engulfing Daddy & I with your childlike faith----taking $2 butterfly wings from the Dollar Tree and memorizing our hearts, our lives with wonder----with joy! I could write of these moments forever. I can give thanks for them in all their glory. And I will........but tonight, I must give thanks too for Dr. Thompson and his medical team that will go before us as they prepare to take you in for a lymph node biopsy. You are scheduled for "Excision of right lower lymph node." Without any other fancy medical terminology, in essence, Dr. Thompson will take out one little lymph node to inspect it under the microscope to give us answers as to why your lymph nodes have continued to remain swollen for over a year-----and why they become massive during certain points throughout the year---no fever, no problematic bloodwork........etc. All other tests have come back negative and put you in the clear for over a year------antibiotics help reduce swelling but once they are out of your body, the lymph nodes swell. Thus, my little Tinkerbell, we need a few more answers. Dr. Thompson is going to help answer these for us beginning with the biopsy tomorrow. The nurse noted that only one of us could come back there with you until you were asleep. I tried to explain that to you....that you could choose Daddy or me to come back there with you to hold your hand. I held my breath hoping you'd choose Daddy thinking that he's braver than me but you chose me------images of stitches in the ER in Dyersburg came flooding back....sweet tart candy being pulled from your little nose by Dr. Thompson (Sept. 27, 2012), vials of blood from previous doctor visits, x-rays for bronchitis as an infant------I didn't feel strong then. I didn't know I could hold your hand and comfort-----oh! What a special bond that God creates between a mother and a child. We have that bond little Tinkerbell and if you believe in me, I think I can hold your hand through anything. The prayers of friends and family are going before us; God's understanding----His grace----His presence. Thus, I'll walk fearlessly behind each of these gifts, next to you as I comfort you tomorrow and pray for you little one. I love you more than words can say and once again, I'm honored to be your mother. I loved the little stick figure princess you drew today at the kitchen table and the little words "MOM" you spelled out right above her----"A Princess Mommy" you exclaimed! What more could I ever ask for than another moment, hour, day, month, year, life with you!

Daddy helps with the spider web!

Two Tinkers

Eek! Spider Artwork Hands Displayed

Boo! Ghost Foot Displayed

After bath time & snack time: Flying Lessons

Who was having more fun?

Fastest Fairy Ever

Sophia

Daddy makes me laugh!

Prior to Voice Lessons Today

Sophia with her butterfly wings, her Beanie Boo, her Ballet Baby Doll---all stopping to pet her kitty, Butterfly Princess Girl Sophia or Princess Girl (whichever name is used by Sophia that day). Today, it was Princess Girl right before Voice. "Mommy, I just want to pet her! She loves me!" ....always enjoying the moment----as children should....no rush...no schedules........until Mommy says, "Come on Sophia! It's time for music lessons." 

 

 

Goodnight, little Tinkerbell! Princess Mommy needs to rest tonight too.

XOXOXOXO